The Time When Your Teenager’s “In Love”

There was this song that came out when I was 13 years old.  It was by Dan Folgelberg, and I played it over and over again on my Pioneer turntable.  It went like this:

“Longer than there’s been fishes in the ocean.  Higher than any bird every flew.  Longer than there’s been stars up in the heavens.  I’ve been in love with you.”

I learned the chords on my guitar.  I hummed it while I rode my bike to and from school.  I mouthed the words as I shaved the blond peach-fuzz that was sprouting where a mustache might some day take hold.  I was smitten by this song.

The way I figured it, there were any of a number of girls in my 7th grade class whom I could easily imagine entirely and without any conflict whatsoever loving until the end of time.

Isn’t that funny?  I could totally picture, at the pudgy age of 13, falling utterly and “I-don’t-give-a damn-who-knows- it” in love with about 30 different girls.  My love would be absolute and uncompromising, just like in

This The 4 Primary Principles of Communication

Effective communication is a connection between people that allows for the exchange of thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and leads to mutual understanding. This exchange is evidenced when a speaker sends a message to which a listener responds. It seems simple, but it isn’t.

People tend to take the communication process for granted. We generally figure that the communication between two or more people is no big deal. It just works. However, the reality is very different—the process of communication is actually impressively complex.

There are many factors that ultimately determine whether a particular communication experience is likely to be successful or not. There are internal factors that affect each person participating in the communication process individually, interactional factors that affect how information is sent and received between two or more people, and external factors that affect the extent to which the physical environment is conducive to effective communication.

There are also certain principles inherent in the communication process, as well as skills people can learn and practice. When people are aware of these principles and apply this information, they significantly decrease the

The Best Way to Apologize And Show Your Truly Sorry

Young woman lost her love

Being human, it is unavoidable to hurt or offend people sometimes. Yet it’s not always easy to recognize this and offer a genuine apology to repair the damage.

It is unsettling to perceive that we’ve violated someone’s sensibilities. We need robust inner resources to prevent ourselves from slipping into a paralyzing shame-freeze that that leads to an avoidance of responsibility for our actions. It takes courage to downsize our ego and accept our human limitations with humility and grace.

The shame we carry prevents us from having a friendly relationship with our shortcomings. We think we need to be perfect to be accepted and respected. When our self-image clashes with how we really are, we scramble to defend ourselves. We blame others or make excuses rather than say with dignified humility, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”

There’s nothing shameful to admit when we’ve made an all-too-human mistake. As John Bradshaw reminds us, making a mistake is different than being a mistake. Not acknowledging shortcomings is a sign of weakness, not strength.


The Reasons Why Do People Have a Type

There’s a lot of mystery surrounding attraction. When we talk about our “type,” what pops into our head may be certain physical features or a number of positive qualities that seem totally reasonable to desire. Yet, there appear to be mysterious forces at play pushing us to choose certain people, and not all of these forces work to our benefit. Most of us have felt a spark with someone we knew wasn’t right for us. We may even notice a pattern of seemingly selecting people who are precisely wrong for us. Too often, we fail to acknowledge or even notice the less favorable qualities that are luring us toward certain choices, subtle characteristics that are drawing us in. Without knowing why, many of us aren’t just attracted to certain people despite their negative traits but because of them.

To understand why we’re drawn to the people we are, we have to understand a basic law of attraction: we choose people whose defenses fit with ours. If we protect ourselves by being quiet or withdrawn, we may choose partners who are more pursuing and aggressive. If we are insecure or clingy, we may choose partners who are aloof

Learn How to Love you

In working with couples for over four decades, I have rarely heard intimate partners ask each other what they could do or say that would make the other feel more loved. I’m much more likely to hear self-serving statements like: “Why don’t you just remember what makes me happy?” “No matter what I do for you, it’s just never enough.” “You just never get me, do you?” “Why is it always about you? Don’t you ever want to know what I want?” “Why do you keep hurting me this way? Don’t you even care?”

Why is it that people, who once cared deeply for one another, seem so intent on getting their own needs met, and no longer interested in how they can love their partners more successfully? Why do long-term committed couples, who once seemed to care about the other’s deeper feelings and thoughts, become partners who are content to know each other by old assumptions and observations?

If you are an intimate partner who hasn’t kept up to date on your significant other’s internal feelings and thoughts, you are not alone. Many people become lazy in long-term relationships and just adjust and adapt to

Here Ten Ways to Defuse the Hostility of People Who Are Angry

We all dread dealing with the anger of those in our inner and outer circles. In fact, I can’t think of even one person who has described with relish an enjoyable moment dealing with the anger of a co-worker, a friend, a child, a stranger, etc. Dealing with the bitter, the hostile and the antagonistic among us is not easy for any of us but we can probably all agree that some of us are better equipped at dealing with the angry than others.

And this makes perfect sense. It is extremely unpleasant and anxiety producing to face the wrath of individuals who seem to give themselves permission to express their anger freely and to direct it at individuals who may or may not have anything to do with the creation of this feeling. And, most of us prefer harmony to conflict, right? Who among us feels good about themselves after getting yelled at, devalued or even ignored? We as members of many communities want to feel good and experience harmony in our daily connections. We thrive with social support and smooth interpersonal connections. Nonetheless, there are lots of angry situations that we all deal with and I

This The Ones We Love

“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”— Albert Einstein

We each perceive love in our own way. Your perception of love would be determined by your past experiences. If you were raised by particularly difficult parents, your perception would be totally different than that of someone raised in a family with two loving, caring and devoted parents.

Did your parents openly show or express their love for each other and you? Most often, the love we’re shown is the love that we will then show to others.
As we all have a unique perspective on love, how would one define it? There is the love of a partner, yet the love for a child is different. There’s the kind of love which is felt for a sibling, and then quite another for our parents. An inanimate object such as a good book can bring about an entirely different expression of love, or what about a favorite hobby?

What I have found is that we each would arrive at our own definition of love if asked. But, when asked to

Are You a Realist or a Romantic For Your Relationship

In romantic relationships, people are generally either realists or romantics. Very few people describe themselves as endowed with both a romantic spirit and a realist’s practicality. At the same time, many men and women search for relationships that are both exciting and stable, passionate and long-lasting. Yet, as many of us can attest, finding and sustaining this kind of a romantic relationship is hard. It requires partners learn to tolerate and cultivate both romantic and realistic parts of their own personalities.


Realists try to accept other people as they are, without insisting on improvement. They focus on making their relationships run smoothly and do not demand or crave fireworks. As a result, their romantic life tends to be stable and predictable, yet not particularly passionate or exciting.

My client Valerie is a realist. She grew up with a depressed, emotionally withdrawn father and now looks for closeness and connection in her relationships with men. At the same time, her love affairs lack spontaneity and excitement. Emotional stability and sexual monotony eclipse experimentation and surprise.

But Valerie complains that her romantic relationships become dull. And she blames her boyfriend for their joyless, lackluster romantic experiences.

Info Caregiving and Complicated Family Dynamics

Caregiving for an aging, ill parent is a common, though generally gruesome, experience. And, witnessing and experiencing family violence is also a painfully common reality. As a culture, we have slowly learned to be able to talk more about each phenomenon thus removing some of the pain, isolation, stigma and turmoil of each. Yet, nowhere do we really talk deeply about what it means to care for an aging and ill parent who also happens to have been an abuser.

According to The National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP (2009), 65.7 million caregivers make up 29% of the U.S. adult population providing care to someone who is ill, disabled or aged. The Alzheimer’s Association estimates that 43.5 million of adult family caregivers care for someone 50+ years of age and 14.9 million care for someone who has Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia (2012). And, caregiving is gendered: an estimated 66% of caregivers are female.

So, what about caregiving that takes place amidst complicated family dynamics such as abuse and control? It is important to acknowledge how common family violence is. Most acts of domestic violence go unreported so the statistics on this are

Eight Signs You’re a Romantic Introvert

Introversion can be defined as “the tendency of being predominantly interested in one’s own mental life.”[1] When it comes to matters of the heart, an introvert may think, act, and communicate in ways that are different than those who are moreextroverted. Sometimes her or his intentions are misunderstood, or overlooked.

Here are eight signs that you may be a romantically inclined introvert, excerpted from my book: “Relationship Communication Success for Introverts.” Although this article focuses primarily on dating and courtship, many of the ideas examined below apply to committed romantic relationships as well.

Of course, each individual is unique, and some introverts many exhibit few or none of these signs. Nevertheless, the characteristics identified below are consistent with multiple studies and writings on the topic of introversion.[2][3][4][5][6] Many introverts are likely to have at least a number of the following traits:

1.   Looking to Meet “The One”    

Introverts often adopt a more thoughtful, introspective approach to courtship, and tend to take romantic relationships seriously, often from the outset. Instead of “flirting around,” “casually dating,” or “playing the field,” many introverts focus primarily on finding “the one” partner who is right for her or him,

Valentine Day

Valentine’s day may have its origins in the Lupercalia, an ancient Roman, and possibly pre-Roman, pastoral festival. The Lupercalia were celebrated on the ides of February, and subsumed the spring cleansing ritual of Februa, which gives the month of February its name. By purifying the city and purging it of evil spirits, the Lupercalia brought health and fertility. Priests sacrificed a goat and a dog to the god Lupercus, whose image, nude but for the girdle of a goatskin, stood in the Lupercal, the cave in which a she-wolf (lupa) suckled Romulus and Remus, the mythical founders of Rome. Lupercus is associated with Faunus, the Roman equivalent of Pan, the Greek god of the wild.

The origins of St Valentine (or Valentinus, meaning ‘strength’) are so obscure that, in 1969, the Catholic Church removed him from the General Roman (liturgical) Calendar. There are at least three early Christian saints by the name of Valentinus. One was a priest in Rome, the second was a bishop in Terni, and the third was martyred in Africa. The flower-crowned skull of one of the first two Valentines can be venerated in the Basilica of Santa Maria in Cosmedin, Rome. In 496, Pope Gelasius I established

Here Tips for Your Wedding Photoshoot

You think: “Photo Shoot, whoopee!” Or do you just think: “Photo-shoot … meh”. What your response may be: Let’s look at the photo shoot in perspective. It is by no means the most important part of the day! It is not even the most important part of the wedding photography! A picture of your mother with a tear or the laughter of your brother, after 10, 20, 50 years are more valuable. It’s about the stories, the moments, the little spontaneous things that are almost invisible during big moments. These pictures are more important than the one picture of you in that beautiful forest with a perfect composition.

Yet, if you guys are so nicely dressed, it’s nice to have photos showing well how you look. Of course to have a little fun. Sorry, no one could give a complete list of all the beautiful places in your country, but your photographers can see an area which is eligible and how he can shinen you! Your photographer will therefore always considered doing.

How long does such a shoot, is quite different, but most couples choose to one and a half hour schedule (excluding